Death of a Gender
– © 2006 by Charu Bahri
The past decades have been marked by a male fetish for the perfectly formed woman, slim at waist yet with unrealistic bust and hip line, or what was commonly referred to as 36-24-36. A few decades ago, it was a wife’s nightmare to have her man feast his eyes on such a draw. At the beach or on a hot summer day, she would try to, often in vain, to switch scenes to avoid her man being exposed to such babes. Perhaps, in part, to save herself from feelings of inadequacy.
But no longer... preening oneself before a mirror and overtly showing signs of an obsession with locks and skin used to be a feminine bastion. Now, with a certain merging of gender roles, men, have fallen prey to the “look good, feel good” mantra. All the better for women!
It’s not easy to make the mark – you need immaculate skin, no wrinkles in sight, biceps and pectoral muscles that bulge and protrude, the list goes on. In fact, men have fallen so acutely into this trap that they seem to be building bodies for their own satisfaction, not so much for the pleasure of women.
Having suffered from the body beautiful syndrome since yore, smart women now take the looks race in their stride and have learnt to manage the competition.
Men, however, are the new entrants, who have just realized that they need not necessarily be relegated to a burping-farting pot-bellied middle age. But their obsession with themselves has become so intense that it forms the subject of serious study. The Adonis Complex, a term used to denote a male obsession with physique is being talked about in academic circles as the next worst psychological trauma afflicting men.
Men suffering from body dysmorphic disorder are the worst outcome of the role generalization of the new century. Surrounded by surreal masculine frames threatening their masculinity, they end up wanting to emulate Adonis, a Greek God who was considered half God and half man, and possibly, the most beautiful man of all.
The traditionally nonchalant about his looks man has bitten the dust; having been redefined as a metrosexual or retrosexual man. Sadly, the challenge to his image and identity has sapped him of his conventional strength. No longer is man the He Man – the sole master of the universe. Man’s insecurity has certainly helped turn the tables in favour of women, who surprisingly, are also complaining, whining about where the ideal man of yesteryears has gone?
Apparently, a man with bulging muscles is not very cuddly. Interestingly, Leit et al calculated that the average Playgirl centerfold man had dropped 12 pounds of fat and put on 27 pounds of muscle over the past 25 years (between 1973 and 1997).
Somehow, in getting carried away by the looks monster, both inhabitants, from Mars and from Venus, have missed the bus. A pressing need to reach ones deathbed (or at least old age) in good shape and without blemish, having yielded to nicks and tucks along the way, prevails. The body beautiful syndrome triumphs – a healthy body has given way to a body conforming to a certain image.
In succumbing to vanity, some men have forgotten a vital truth, that no-body is perfect and to extract meaning from and spread happiness is to truly make the most of one’s life – a good enough reason to live. Has the spirit of life got lost in a gym?
I’m averse to alcohol, yet this quote by Steve Parker sums up the spirit (pun unintended) of my perspective, “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming Woo Hoo What A Ride!”
Charu Bahri is a freelance writer from India (Punjabi, but residing since 8 years in the west Indian state of Rajasthan). Qualified as a cost accountant and software developer, Charu now works part-time for a not-for-profit hospital - writing and designing the hospital promotional literature and regular newsletters. She has authored two non-fiction books, “Aligning the Economic Cycle with the Time Cycle” self-published through iUniverse in February 2003 and “Sexual Dualism to Spiritual Oneness” released by a traditional Indian publisher (Krantz Publications, New Delhi) in August 2004. The book covers may be viewed at <http://www.ryze.com/go/cbahri>.
Anger Management Is Life-Long Work
– © 2006 by Bob Anderson
It’s a truism, almost a cliche, that anger management is a life-long practice. But some men take it to heart -- Bill S., for example. He took the Men’s Center class two years ago at Christ Presbyterian in Edina, then again recently in Hopkins.
“I got much more out of it the second time around,” he said. He had wanted to follow up on the first class, with its great feeling of camaraderie. The guys even had a party afterward. Bill knew he needed continued support to sustain the progress he was making, but like so many anger management classes, the energy wasn’t sufficient to sustain an ongoing support group. So Bill took another class.
“I fell in love with the new group right away and they did with me too,” he said. “The acceptance, brutal honesty and caring were there from the start, and the guys called during the week to check up on each other.”
It was just what the doctor ordered. The lessons in the course are deep, requiring fearless self-scrutiny, a willingness to learn new patterns of thinking and feeling, and the courage to take full responsibility for one’s life. Repeated practice is the only way to make progress.
Bill has struggled with two major issues in his life, drinking and anger. Both stem in part from an abusive, tyrannical father and a religious upbringing that laid the shame and blame on thick and heavy. The drinking he dealt with some time ago, but the anger persists.
“For years people told me I was an angry man but I denied it, the way an alcoholic denies the truth. I’d rage at the drop of a hat. I’ve got a right to be angry , I thought, look at what life has done to me.”
He’s appreciated and depended on the openness and honesty of the men in the class. “You’re not alone, we’re all in it together, and that makes it easier”
To encourage taking the class additional times, the Men’s Center offers a discount on repeats.
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