Building A Healthy Relationship
– © 2004 by Andrea Ferstan, Training and Education Coordinator, Chrysalis

Building a Healthy Relationship: A Class for Couples is a collaboration between The Men's Center and Chrysalis. When I was first approached by someone from The Men's Center about collaborating on an educational group for couples, I was both excited and wary. First there were questions as to what this collaboration would look like. Would this be solely for heterosexual couples? Who would facilitate? Would partners attend the group together? If not, what would be the necessary commonalities between the two groups? Like all relationships, making this collaboration work, required a great deal of communication, risk taking, time, respect, and willingness to change and adapt as needed. Other factors that proved to be important were that we shared similar agency philosophies and beliefs regarding the structure of educational groups and the role of facilitators.

Looking back, I now see that there are some clear parallels between how couples build a healthy relationship, and how we as agencies had to work together on this class. The curriculum for this class is based on Dr. David Olsen and Dr. Douglas Stephens' "The Couple's Survival Workbook." While this class does examine how couples can learn to better communicate with each other, it is with the understanding that "simply improving communication skills does not significantly improve a relationship." (p. 8) Dr. Olsen and Dr. Stephens also note that "Even open communication does not help solve our problems fully because it does not affect the underlying beliefs we hold, nor does it have an impact on the predictable arguments we employ during our interactions." (p. 8). In order to build a healthy relationship, one must examine his/her own beliefs, patterns, and roles with regards to the relationship. The class helps individuals do this through the use of different assessment tools and exercises. In addition, individuals examine how these thoughts and beliefs shape their communication and behavior patterns. They also learn an effective method of communication which they then practice with their partner. This method of communication involves learning how to first listen with empathy. Empathizing with one's partner enables one to see beyond one's own ideas and needs. When both parties feel heard, they can begin working on other skills that foster greater understanding. By learning how to more effectively communicate, individuals are able to get their needs met in a cooperative rather then aggressive way.

This class can help couples increase their self awareness, learn new tools, develop new skills, and strengthen their relationship. While a six week class can not in and of itself solve one's relationship ills, it can give a couple the tools and awareness to work on improving their relationship. For more information on this class or other services, call either Chrysalis at 612-871-0118, option 1 or The Men's Center at 612-822-5892.