Father-Son Fury: One Dad's Story
-- © 2002 Harry Greenberg

I never pictured it this way. That when my son was in his youthful prime, as tall as a sturdy oak, and solid like a block of iron, he would test his physical prowess on me. There is a knowing and wisdom when I have shared this with men older and wiser than I. Many tell me it's more common than anyone cares to admit. Yeah, they'll say, I remember when my son came at me, it's a natural passage for them. I sought those messages and words out to help me make sense out of the excruciating pain and betrayal that was staring me in the face. But they would prove to be a bigger leap of faith than I could fathom.

All at once it was the time to turn the venerable father mythology on its head and my son would choose to physically challenge and vanquish me. I teach anger management, I teach non-violence to prison inmates, what in the world am I doing in the back yard wrestling with my teenage son? This is not how I want to get close to him!

He had just spent a month living with me after a lengthy period of estrangement, and his anger was in high gear. I didn't know what he was furious about, but I was determined to keep him out of the house until he calmed down. He was equally determined to show me he could go where and when he pleased. He threw a punch at me and hit me in the face and I walked away and he came at me from behind and tried to wrestle me to the ground. That's when we created the choreography of father-son battle. Imagine the contorted faces and complete fixation on victory as we twirl like ballerinas in the late afternoon light. Grunting, heavy breathing (on my part anyway) and total exertion to stay vertical.

As I gasped for air, forgetting how thoroughly exhausting it is to be pirouetting across the yard trying with all my strength to persevere against my firstborn, I shouted at the top of my lungs, "Call the cops! Call the cops!" My son's mother's girlfriend was sitting in a car in the alley waiting for it to stop and seemingly incapacitated. She had given him a ride to pick some of his personal effects up. She remained with the vehicle as one is told to do in the middle of a whiteout, lest she stumble and fall into a confrontation that she would be powerless to affect. While our struggle seemed to go on for hours, it was over within minutes. I had slammed the back door, and kept my son from coming in the house. His parting shot was the familiar sound of glass shattering as a brick sailed through the casement window, screen and storm window. I didn't hesitate before calling 911 and summoning the police to my house to file a report. When they arrived, they weren't sure what to do.

"Are you hurt?" they ventured. I dutifully showed them the scratch marks on my shoulders, which were bleeding slightly. They were perplexed to my assertions about the assault, as my gender did not elicit prototypical pity or helplessness. In fact they might have been thinking, "What's his problem? Can't he control his son?" After a number of questions about his size and strength, they dutifully took down the information and I was assigned a case number.

The report ultimately led us down the road to Hennepin County's newest program in juvenile justice. It's called the Family Rebuilding Project, a diversion program for teens who can actively engage in their own solutions instead of letting the court do it. The court's punitive, curiously detached methods are usually not in anyone's best interests and restorative justice correctly senses this and has substituted a process where victim and offender get to decide the resolution.

Four months after the assault, we came together as a family in the office of the Legal Rights Center near downtown Minneapolis. The ostensible purpose of the conference was to develop a plan to improve my son's behavior, provide for the welfare of the family, and identify resources to support the family's need for long-term, sustainable change. It sounds so positive, doesn't it? They got the language down, but to actively change a dysfunctional family system takes more than one meeting.

Participants included myself, my son, his mom, his mom's girlfriend, and two people designated as support people for the family (one I chose and one my son chose).

I thought, "Make it go away or make it better." I thought, "Let me be anywhere on the face of the earth beside this room on this day." I needed to hold myself together as my son recited -- for perhaps the twentieth time in his life -- that he disliked me intensely as a parent and as a person, too. Needless to say, he felt no respect for me either. He wanted nothing to do with me, and nothing would sway him to reconsider. He had a serious demeanor and wanted others to know that he was capable of making his own decisions. I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come. I was adept at stuffing my feelings and holding them near and dear to my heart as my son seamlessly transformed and continued his physical assault into a psychological one. His natural brilliance and keen intelligence allowed him to do this well.

Trying to raise my sons as a single dad and co-parenting with my child's mother has been a descent into the nether world of visceral dislike, mistrust, and despair. And the core issue has always been translating an agreement that spelled out joint, physical custody into shared parenting, nothing else. Lack of understanding that our children needed two parents at all times created nothing but ill will between us. This relationship could very well have been the root of the bitterness that has now sprouted into my son's attitude toward me.

There has been no apology to me and my son continues his deep commitment to his disavowal of me. Does he understand that his deep-seated feelings about me mirror his own feelings for himself? Do I understand that I must let go of this relationship for now? It's been very hard for me to acknowledge this. What I would like is to have a healing ceremony with my male friends and mentors. We can symbolically create the beginning of a new link. My son need not attend. We work our magic even in his absence.

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Food: Long-Lasting Treatment for Depression
-- © 2002 Darlene Kvist, Licensed Nutritionist

Did your class reunion go well this summer? How about your family gathering? The camping trip with the kids? How did your job evaluation go this year? Are you waking up with a sense of well-being and feeling great ? Or do you wake up feeling like you would rather hide under your pillow and retreat from the world into a safer place for a while? Perhaps you skipped planned events in favor of staying home.

Recent statistics state that one in every five people experience depression at some point in their lives. The symptoms are many and varied -- and in today's world it is important to have the ability to recognize common symptoms of depression, as well as understand alternatives available to alleviate its symptoms.

Most commonly prescribed drug
For the past several years, Prozac has been the treatment of choice in treating symptoms of depression. Today, antidepressants are among the top-selling medications in the U.S. In fact, according to the Minnesota Council of Health Plans, antidepressants are the most commonly prescribed drugs in Minnesota. However, because the side effects of these drugs (sexual dysfunction, dry mouth and anxiety), as well as their ineffectiveness in helping the true causes of depression, many people are turning to a more natural solution to resolve what ails them.

Many clients come to me questioning the simple acceptance of using a drug to re-establish their feelings of well-being. They want to know what other options exist to relieve their depression, and they want to be educated. More and more, health-minded people are feeling that they do not want to add artificial chemicals to their bodies' chemistry. Except in the most severe cases, I agree that alternatives exist that may more effectively resolve the root causes of depression, rather than addressing the symptoms alone.

Side effects under-reported & under-researched
Most antidepressants work with the brain chemical serotonin. Adequate serotonin in your brain brings about feelings of satisfaction, happiness, and flexibility in dealing with events in life. Antidepressant drugs do their work by increasing the amount of serotonin available to your brain cells by turning off mechanisms that takes serotonin out of circulation.

Now that Prozac has been in circulation for 13 years, we are learning more about the long-term side effects of its use. Some scientists are becoming skeptical of the widespread use of serotonin-enhancing drugs (antidepressants), and with good reason. Scientists at Yale University have reported research showing an increase in neurogenesis -- or the proliferation of brain cells -- in subjects who take antidepressant medications. Lead scientist Jessica Malberg states, without concluding whether this has positive or negative implications, that "you have to accept that there is a structural change in your brain when you take drugs like Prozac."

Others, including Harvard psychologist and author Joseph Glenmullen, feel more strongly that this effect is something that should be alarming to most people. He argues that the public should be careful before believing manufacturers claims that side effects of these drugs are negligible. He feels that side effects are under-reported and under-researched by regulatory agencies, and that safer alternative's exist to treat depression.

Whether antidepressant drugs are the solution to everyone's blues -- a topic that will undoubtedly be debated for a long time -- the fact remains that 20% of the U.S. population may be taking antidepressant drugs at any one time! This is an enormous number! The next question that comes to me is simply "Why?" Why are all of these people experiencing depression?

If you don't want to think too deeply about it, you can turn on your TV and get your answers. Pharmaceutical companies are inundating television watchers with vague, non-educational commercials promoting their drugs. But just because they have the money to advertise on TV doesn't mean that they have the best solution. They merely have the advantage of a captive audience, anxious to turn to the easiest solution, a pill.

Without discounting the very serious cases of depression that maybe best treated pharmaceutically, I feel that other solutions are as effective and longer-lasting than relying on a pill to bring emotional balance back into life. These are routes I explore with clients who question the effectiveness of their antidepressant medications. Many times clients do not experience relief from depressive symptoms, and they want answers beyond what they have tried so far. Some studies have supported this feeling. The Archives of General Psychiatry published a study in 1992 that concluded that only 20-30 percent of patients experienced relief over an 18-month period of being treated with antidepressants. Other studies have concluded even less optimistic outcomes. (Most current books about depression will list studies that have shown exercise to be an effective reducer of depression symptoms in many cases.)

Unarguably, each of us is biochemically unique. We will all respond differently to various therapies, interventions, treatments, drugs, and life circumstances. So why should we all rely on the same treatment mode for similar problems? I don't think we should.

Long-Term Treatment
As a nutritionist, I believe that the long-term solution to treating depression is deeper, and is in the direct control of those who choose to explore sustainable options. My answer is, of course, the healing power of food. As a nutritionist I understand that food is the most important factor in the prevention and treatment of depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. With each client, I begin our encounter by first helping them develop their eating plan. Time and again I love witnessing the positive healing biochemistry that real food can make on the body and brain.

Nutrient deficiencies
In her book Depression Free, Naturally, Joan Mathews Larson, PhD. details three studies conducted in the early 1960s that dramatically illustrate the effect that food, especially nutrient deprivation, has on the body and mind. The studies conducted looked at the factors of extreme anxiety, stress, and starvation -- conditions experienced by former prisoners of World War II who had been held in Japanese concentration camps. Famous chemist Dr. Abraham Hoffer, Ph.D. found in his work treating former POWs that the result of these circumstances was a chronic state of degenerative disease and depression, requiring a permanent need for high doses of vitamin therapy for relief. The Canadian Government conducted a similar investigation with brothers who served in World War II, comparing those who served in Europe with those who were imprisoned in Japanese concentration camps. The results were sadly dramatic. The majority of men who had been subjected to starvation had developed depression and chronic degenerative conditions that were not present in their counterparts who served in Europe. Lastly, University of Minnesota researchers conducted a study on the effects of starvation with conscientious objectors to the war. Experimental subjects were subjected to near starvation rations over six months, after which time the majority were severely depressed, anxious, agitated, and even violent. Some required hospitalization. After the study ended these negative emotional symptoms continued and even worsened for many of the men. The implications of these studies are mind-boggling and emphasize the importance of the satisfaction of our basic needs for even minimal health.

Low-Calorie Diets Create Depression
When I read these research articles, a light sparkled bright in my brain. I see woman after woman in my office who have unwittingly conducted this same study on themselves. Who are these women? They are the chronic low-calorie, crash dieters! So many women seem to be lost in an endless weight battle. Without proper information many finally end up prescribing to a starvation approach to eating, or opting for all low- or non-fat, low-calorie, low-nutrient foods. Often these same women run 5 miles a day and have very stressful jobs and busy lifestyles. They come to me when they are depressed and completely fatigued.

The question we need to ask is: "Are we creating a society of depressed, anxious people because of our obsession with thin bodies?" Even the less extreme dieters, and just plain low-nutrient eaters (men and women alike) suffer from these effects. If these dramatic results could be accomplished in less than six months in a lab, it only follows that years of low nutrient intake, so typical in today's world, can lead to the exact same outcomes.

Additional Protein, Real Carbs and Healthy Fats
Most of my clients need additional protein to supply the building blocks for serotonin and their 75 other neurotransmitters. Some have even felt rejuvenated by the simple addition of two to three ounces of protein at each meal. The other critical focus is replacing processed carbohydrates (breads, bagels, pasta) with real ones in the form of whole grains, vegetables, and fruit. Support and encouragement is crucial. Some people are not even aware of how many great-tasting vegetables are available! Next, we need to purge the "fat phobia" and focus on a moderate intake of healthy fats. This means getting rid of the unhealthy hydrogenated fats found in margarine, muffins, and the like, and switch to eating almonds, walnuts, pecans, olive oil, fatty fish, and so forth. Our cell membranes and receptors rely on healing fats to ensure the acceptance and use of neurotransmitters into the cells.

Another consideration is that depression may not be solely a serotonin deficiency -- GABA, dopamine, norepinepherine, or a combination of these neurochemicals maybe involved. Perhaps the nerve cells of the brain are simply not receiving neurotransmitters. There is much that science has yet to uncover, and the complexity of the brain will likely prevent us from ever understanding its dynamics in full. It only makes sense that our best bet is to start at the base level by providing proper nutrients in optimal amounts to give our nervous system a fighting chance.

The Power of Food
Eating to overcome the symptoms of depression is very simple and very complicated at the same time. Eating in balance takes time, commitment, support, and direction. It is not the "catch as catch can" kind of eating many people are used to. It must be thought-out and planned. Your payoff will be great-tasting food and a sense of well-being. It means consuming less sugar, caffeine, alcohol, chemicals, and eating more real food.

As a nutritionist, I keep returning to the power of food and proper diet. Understanding and using food's tremendous power puts you in the position to create your own antidepressant prescription. Many clients feel skeptical of this power but become convinced after trying an antidepressant diet. They feel able to climb out of the dark hole they have been living in and feel happy and hopeful, as they should. Food is work, and it is the only long-term solution.