Men Talk Articles - December 2011 / January 2012

– © 2011 by Dick Madigan

Who am I really? How have I been? Where am I going? How will I get there?

On a cold and snowy February evening a determined man was looking for answers to these same questions we have asked year after year at The Twin Cities Men's Center. It was 1973 and Hank Bruns had heard about a group of men informally offering support to each other just by being together and doing some men talk. These men had recently emerged from the growing men's awareness movement of the early 1970's. Hank found them lacking any furniture in their rented church space and sitting in a circle on the floor. Nervous about what these guys might think of him and feeling awkward with his own confusions, he turned away at the door, but after reconsidering returned to face the music.

Hank has often derived a personal and private comfort from all kinds of music during those occasional all night work shifts at his radio station back in Illinois in the 1950's, and later in Minnesota on his early morning drives into work at the State Highway Department or on his regular evenings out at Orchestra Hall. In addition, his studies in electrical engineering, bio-energetic therapy, and spiritual healing have led him to pursue inner balance and harmony with others in the midst of life's challenges.

This treasured wisdom has been passed on to us with Hank's elections to TCMC's Board of Directors, his guidance with our development of support groups, and his capable leadership for several Midwest Regional Men's Conferences. Hank wrote encouraging letters to the Board or to our MEN TALK editor when we have been discouraged or strayed from our mission statement "...to provide resources for men seeking to grow in body, mind, and spirit...."

In a recent interview Hank said: "My biggest surprise in those early years came in realizing that for a long time I had been missing the friendship of other men, and that their camaraderie could heal some of the irritations in my life which had begun to fester. In addition, as our self-confidence grew, the joy of working with other men cooperatively on challenging issues brought with it an increased attendance at our support groups. Very soon we found that the experiences of our gay community demanded our attention and differentiation from our men's divorce and general issues discussions."

Time after time, Hank took the lead as support groups formed to meet the needs of fathers, men with HIV, men living in St.Paul, survivors of abuse, and men transitioning from prison settings. With his encouragement both women and men of color were invited to participate on our Board, in Wednesday Presentations, in a relationship issues group, and in our Transition Groups. The efforts of Hank and others at the Men's Center, combined with our forward vision as men on a journey, prepared a foundation for our Men Helping Men With Anger Program to grow and flourish here.

Hank trained and led a strong cadre of support group facilitators. In our Men's Center support groups we have emphasized a focus on self-responsibility so that we can identify areas in our lives we wish to understand and improve upon with the support of others. As we practice expressing ourselves and respecting the persons we are with, we create the tools we need to bring to our interpersonal relationships.

Over time, with Hank in the lead, we have developed effective support group guidelines by listening to the dissonance in ourselves, then walking and talking side by side in our varying masculinities. Agreeing on confidentiality in our groups allows us a sense of safety in revealing our personal issues. When we focus in on awareness of our feelings in group we are able to see our way clear of the obstacles on our paths toward "...healthier family and community relationships." We have learned to challenge our negativity toward others, as well as our negative self-talk. In groups we grow to respect the vulnerabilities of others with our non-judgmental support, and also to appreciate our own opportunities to befriend the man we wish to be.

In concluding I asked Hank: "So, what wisdom has kept you going when you have experienced painful challenges in your life?"

"I strongly believe in the possibility of personal growth. Also I have learned that with support we can change the negatives in our relationships to positives for all parties involved. We can heal our pain after feeling confusion, depression, grief, or anger. Forgiveness is in our toolbox, and the world needs a lot of it."

Then I wanted to know: "Are you open to receiving notes or phone calls from old friends at TCMC?"

"Yes! I've got a large mailbox in the Men's Center office and I can return messages left at the office telephone number."

"CHEERS" to Hank Bruns who continues his passionate support of TCMC with an open mind, an open heart, and an open pocketbook.

Dick Madigan, a TCMC group facilitator and office assistant, is grateful to Hank for his 20+ years of healthy mentoring.